Many of us have experienced emotional breakdowns and failures, failures are inevitable in our lives. We will all experience a number of emotional, professional, and even academic failures throughout our lives.
What can we do to better overcome the post-breakup period?
What are the ways to get rid of sadness after separation or failure?
If you have recently had a difficult event, lost a loved one, have problems in your emotional relationship or have been fired from your previous job, and in short, if you have experienced any tragic events and you want to know the period of sadness after that read more about how you should spend it so that you do not have much discomfort and sadness.
Researchers in the field of psychiatry say that most people who experience a traumatic event will feel better about three months after the event.
Physicians and scientists in the humanities suggest five steps for natural mourning. The order of these steps will be as follows:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
It will be natural that the feeling of sadness caused by the loss of loved ones will be very heavy and destructive, not all people express their sadness in the same way, in other words, all people may not cry because of the loss of their loved ones.
When faced with the loss and death of a loved one, people will think that you will never be able to return to your normal life or, for example, say that you will never be able to continue living.
It is true that in that initial phase, returning to normal is unbelievable and impossible for you, but you should know that all normal and healthy people have been able to return to their lives after a period of normal mourning and continue to keep the lost memory in their minds and hearts.
You should know with all the pain and discomfort and sadness that you feel in the initial phase, as time goes on and as soon as you consciously start managing and dealing with your emotions, your situation will get better, it is absolutely true that you will not be able to bring back the lost loved one and you will never be able to forget him forever but you can definitely do things and take action with your sadness and live again.
In this article, we will tell you how it is possible to recover from the sadness of losing a loved one, feel less sad and upset, and come back to life.
How to cope with the grief of losing a loved one or a breakup?
If you have experienced a breakup and are looking for a way to look less anxious, read more:
In the following, you will see some valid solutions to cope with the conditions after the breakup.
- Release yourself:
Sometimes people think that after the loss of your loved one, if they constantly suppress their sad feelings, they will recover sooner. These people think that if they pretend that they do not feel sad, the situation will be better for them.
People who do not have enough knowledge in these things and act on it themselves and force others to suppress their feelings of grief, but certainly this is not the right way to leave grief and sorrow behind.
It has been proven that if a person hides and suppresses all his emotions, he will not be able to make progress in the way of restoring his quality of life.
Instead of pretending not to be sad and suppressing your emotions, you should allow yourself to cry easily, get angry, and shout and cry when needed, and try to express your feelings realistically.
For example, when you feel the need to cry, be sure to cry and do not suppress this need, be sure that real feelings will help you, when you return to real life, it is natural that you and those around you will never like crying, but believe me, by not suppressing crying, you will help yourself a lot, and in fact, crying makes your mind and psyche healthier, so be sure to express your feelings.
It is interesting to know that there are people for whom crying is a natural need to face the difficulties of their lives, you must have seen that some people cry after facing painful events and thus are more and more prepared to face life.
Psychoanalysts have proven that crying helps many people to look at issues more logically and to work harder to overcome obstacles and problems.
If you want to cry, do not feel guilty or ashamed or weak.
Of course, we must say that not all people cry during mourning or after the loss of a loved one, know that if you see that your friend has lost a loved one, and he does not cry and has no grievances, this does not mean that your friend is indifferent and it should not be considered that the lost person was not important and valuable to your friend, it is you who should look at the issue differently.
A person may be comfortable crying in loneliness and expressing his feelings when he is alone. Someone may prefer to express their feelings and lighten up while talking to a close friend.
However, know that it is your existential nature that will determine the type of your reactions.
You should never force yourself to do something you are not willing or willing to do. It is up to you to decide what makes you feel good
Some mourners like to write down their thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper or record their voice, there is no problem because it is you who determine the background of your feelings and choose the method of releasing your thoughts.
So this is the first step:
Let go of yourself and your emotions
Give your emotions an opportunity to express themselves easily and without repression.
- You need to believe in being sad and allow yourself to grieve and spend time with grief:
After you have been able to express your accumulated feelings according to the previous step, now it is time to believe that you are mourning sadly, there will definitely be a time when not all the people and circumstances that used to make you happy will make you happy.
Coping with grief is time consuming. Give yourself this time
It is natural that during the mourning period, you will not prefer to spend time with many of your friends and you want to be more at home, in this situation, neither friends nor TV shows will be able to bring even a smile to your lips.
You have to accept that you are going through a difficult and sad period, do not rush to go through this period calmly to ensure the health of your soul and mind.
Everything will get better, but your time of grief must be spent properly and normally.
Many people during this period need to take time off from work or study. These people really need to stay away from work and study to return to their normal conditions. This temporary absence from work and study will help the mind to be able to adapt to new circumstances and to overcome the grief of failure or loss; If you are one of these people, it is better to stay away from work and study for a while, it is necessary to avoid boring daily life in some mourning people.
You do not have to force yourself to do anything in the community, you will not be interested in spending time with your friends or going out for fun.
It is true that you should not limit yourself too much and imprison yourself, but you are absolutely right if you do not want to spend time like before.
If a friend asks you to go out with him or invites you to his house, leave the compliments. You do not have to pretend to be with him with a fake smile. Tell him you want to stay home and do not want to go out.
So the second step:
Believe that you are mourning
Give yourself time to grieve
- You should welcome support:
In other words, you should try to use help and support
It is true that in the mourning of loved ones, people will not want to spend time with others and prefer to be alone in their privacy. Spending time alone can help you to cooperate with grief and uncomfortable situations to some extent, But the continuation of these conditions will not be in your favor
Experts advise that every human being should have a shoulder to cry on and a hug to take refuge in in order to alleviate the grief of losing a loved one or suffering a terrible defeat.
Try to connect little by little with family members, friends, colleagues and classmates. You can even share your grief and sad events with your virtual friends in cyberspace. Tell them what is bothering you. Tell them what happened and say that you need their company and presence to get through this period.
Do not think that you will be bored with your grief for your friends and those around you, be sure that they care about you and they know that you consciously have no role in causing this amount of grief, true friends should be by your side in times of grief and difficulty. So you do not need to pay too much attention to them. You need their presence and existence in this transient moment.
The above sentences do not mean that family members, friends and colleagues should be by your side 24 hours a day, seven days a week, as long as you need their presence and contact and contact will suffice.
So the third step:
Welcome the support of friends and relatives
You will need supporters and friends to get rid of this crisis.
- You do not have to force yourself:
Do not try to artificially play the role of a strong man
In many common cultures in the world, especially in the eastern cultures, people who suffers from sorrow and have no grievances are considered strong and admirable It is very acceptable in Eastern societies for people to appear calm and cool despite a mountain of sorrow. While psychiatrists and psychologists have described this sign of mourning as abnormal and have listed many consequences and side effects.
You should know that only on TV and in the cinema can you see strong, cool and calm people in the face of great mourning.
In a state of grief, a normal, healthy person should not force himself to act in the opposite direction, so you do not have to pretend that everything is fine and that you have no problem with the incident.
It is true that you do not always have to cry and cry in front of others, but you do not have to instill in your behavior that you are very patient, cool and superpower and no grief can ever defeat you. Be honest with your friends and relatives, they will understand you and you do not have to play a role for them. Everyone knows that coping with the grief of loss will be very difficult, there will be no need at all to make your situation and your life more difficult and complicated by playing the role of a strong and patient person.
So the fourth step is that:
Be yourself You do not need to play the role of a very patient, strong and invincible imaginary person at all
- Do not set a time cut-off for yourself:
You do not need to set a time limit for yourself to get out of mourning.
For example, no one has forced you to get out of a sad situation in the next two weeks.
You do not have to force yourself to return to work the following week, for example.
You do not need to compare yourself with others. Indeed, people may be able to return to their normal routine after two weeks of mourning.
Get the idea of scheduling out of your mind. You do not have to constantly think that your condition should improve by a certain time, you will only cause more frustration. Do not compare yourself with others in any way, no one knows what has happened in the hearts and minds of other grieving people.
- So the fifth step:
You do not have to set a specific period of time to end your mourning, and you do not have to spend as much time lying down as your friends.
- Spend time with other people:
Doctors and researchers say communicating with others will help mourners return to their normal lives.
You cannot live forever with your mourning thoughts and mind. If you remain mourning thoughts forever, you cannot enjoy your life and your relationship with the environment.
You do not have to avoid talking about your lost loved one. If you have lost a family member, you can gradually tell about his happy memories and reduce your loneliness.
You do not need to go to crowded places with your friends as soon as you drink tea and coffee together or walk in a park or watch a movie together.
- Join groups:
There are many supportive groups around you or in cyberspace that are suitable for your situation. In these supportive groups there are many members who have experienced conditions such as what you are in.
Associating with these people will gradually reduce your sense of loneliness in the world and you will gradually find better ways to improve your life.
By joining these groups, you can occasionally meet and chat with group members. You will gradually come to the conclusion that you have a good supportive group by your side and you are not alone.
Do not judge members and their actions before joining groups. Give yourself a chance to try these conditions. By joining these groups, you will be able to talk about their problems from the exam and your thoughts more easily, because you are talking to people who are in the same situation as you and have problems and thoughts like yours.
- Your faith can be effective:
Whatever religion you have, know that it has been proven that prayer and attending religious ceremonies can give you peace of mind.
- Participate in charitable work:
Participating in these institutions will make you feel better and give you the feeling that you are spending your time in a useful and useful way.
Be sure to seek help from a team of psychotherapists.
Not all mourners will need psychoanalytic interventions and will not need treatment. If you are a person who has not been able to cope with the absence of your loved one alone or with friends and family or in supportive groups, the best way to get rid of the difficult and sad situation you have is to see a psychiatrist or better to say, a team of psychotherapists.
In their presence, you should talk about all your feelings so that they can be aware of your problem and offer a good solution for you.
Your referral to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist does not mean that you are weak or insane, but instead of referring to a specialist, it will indicate your high awareness and strength to continue living.
- Do not neglect having a pet:
Today, researchers and psychotherapists consider pets to be important role in restoring and sustaining mental health.
You, who need support and help, will have a living being by your side who desperately needs your attention and care, and gradually a two-way relationship will be established between you that is exciting for you, and in return, a living being will support you.
Certainly a small cat or a dog will not be able to take your loved one place, but it will be an incentive to continue living.
Caring for a living being who is able to understand your love and really needs your love and care, has amazing effects on your soul and psyche.
- Avoid people around you and negative news:
Not everyone can make you feel better. The words of many people around you and your friends will make things worse instead of good.
If someone inadvertently annoys you, tell them what to talk about to calm you down.
Others may tell you that your lost loved one has a better place now, or that he is no longer in pain, or that his place is much better now, knowing that they have no opinion on how to say these words. You do not have to spend all your time with people who have really upset you
- Do not make big and vital decisions:
- Abdication from work
- Drop out of school
- Home sales and immigration
- Change of place and city of residence
These are not decisions that a grieving person can make in times of crisis and mourning. Do not make decisions about important issues, because later, in addition to not being sad, your dear, your wrong decisions will also be upsetting
Give yourself a few months to make the right decision with a healthier and lighter mind. Making quick decisions in the mourning phase will not save you from the current sad and unfavorable situation, so do not be in a hurry and know that making a decision in the mourning phase will be associated with many problems.
- Take care of yourself:
Get enough sleep (eight hours a day) and good quality. If you have a sleep disorder, ask your doctor for help in achieving healthy and quality sleep.
Try to go to bed at a specific time at night and get up at a specific time in the morning.
Choose a diet free of stimulants, fats, ready-made cakes and sweets, processed foods, fast foods, instead eat healthy fruits and vegetables, and carbonated, non-carbonated liquids without artificial sweeteners.
Your diet should be include carbohydrates, proteins and fats.
Get in shape, take a shower every day
Do not forget to brush your teeth twice.
Don’t forget regular light exercise daily, such as a half-hour walk.
Little by little, you can resume your social activities, you will leave your safe zone, you will go to the cinema, shopping and restaurants with your friends, but you do not need to enter this phase without feeling really ready.
Gradually return to your social life by adding social activities
Do not consider busy programs for yourself. You do not need to work every day and every hour because this method will have the opposite effect.
Gradually, you can spend a few hours a week on doing the things you love. These activities will speed up your recovery process, but if you do not have the patience to do them, give yourself a chance.
You do not have to force yourself to do what you do not want to do. Add new activity to your activities to find more motivation and vitality
Be sure to remember the sweet memories of the past, look at the your lost loved-one photos and movies
Talk to your friends about your memories. These steps will gradually help you to cope better with the situation. Of course, you do not have to force yourself to think about the lost loved one. Whenever the necessary preparation is made, you will automatically recall his / her memories.
Be patient, give yourself a chance, Be sure that future will not be so dark and boring. Appreciate small things such as petting a pet or eating delicious food, you will gradually be able to experience joy and happiness again.